Every Sportscaster Needs a Matt Millen Crawl
We all have our most loved and hated sports announcers. The topic of the folks in the booth and on the sideline has always been widely debated in the sports world.
Often we listen in disbelief to what they say and how it is being delivered. We even go as far as to question their personalities and on camera mannerisms. How many times have you rolled your eyes, groaned or said out loud, "I can't believe he (or she) just said that!" when a sports announcer speaks?
So, after watching the YouTube video of the Detroit NBC affiliate running a crawl every time Matt Millen spoke during the Super Bowl pregame broadcast, The Sporting Muse has put together its own list of commentator crawls that we would love to see.
Al Michaels - To our viewers, Mr. Michaels will be using words tonight that go over even our heads. We will do our best to give you definitions as the night goes on.
Jim Nantz - ALERT! No one is looking forward to the Final Four and The Masters more than him. What a moment!
John Madden - Boom! Ace is the place. Tough actin' Tinactin.
Dick Vitale – Warning: Vitale’s excessive use of “Diaper Dandy” and “It’s awesome baby!" has caused psychotic episodes in laboratory rats.
Joe Buck – Isn’t nepotism is great? His father is a hall of fame broadcaster. Joe? Not so much, but he looks good on camera.
Troy Aikman - It was a great job by Fox (us) to hire the Hall of Fame quarterback to provide color for this game.
Pam Oliver – We apologize for the technical difficulties we are experiencing due to Pam’s forehead.
Andrea Kramer – We apologize for the technical difficulties we are experiencing due to Andrea’s voice.
Bob Costas - His hair isn't quite as perfected as Jimmy Johnson's but it’s pretty damn close.
Brent Musburger – We apologize for Brent’s drama filled comments on this otherwise boring blowout. Also, we apologize to Kirk Herbstreit for having to sit next to Brent.
Dick Enberg – Every time Dick says, “Oh, my!” this network will donate one dollar to charity. Don’t laugh, it adds up fast!
Terry Bradshaw – What you are hearing wasn’t any better when he had hair.
Stuart Scott – We know. We’re offended by his schtick too.
Charles Barkley - WARNING!!! Charles is going brag about his gambling losses and will make several patently blatant, yet false statements which may be racist in nature.
Bill Walton - Yes, he's calling this game, and no, it's not a conflict of interest that his son is playing.
Tony Siragusa - Don't throw your remote at the TV when he says, "This game is really going to come down to which team puts more points on the board by the end of the game."
Johnny Miller - For fear of being suddenly struck by an errant shot, no NBC golf commentator dares disagree with him.
Tiki Barber – We know you don’t care about anything he says, but he’s under contract…For now.
Shannon Sharpe - We aren't entirely sure what he is saying or the logic behind it, but he's on a roll, so we go with it.
Gus Johnson - This game would be unwatchable if the G-man was not calling the PBP. If you're reading this crawl, expect nothing but awesomeness, maybe even a buzzer-beater.
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